This will be the last blog I write with Boston in last place. Aside from the bad news I received recently regarding Yoshi, things appear to be on the up and up. The Red Sox are... wait, what's that? What's the bad news I received? Well, it turns out Yoshi is cheating on me. My partner has been playing in a fantasy baseball league behind my back. You know how it goes, first you start getting cryptic messages then you find out somebody named Pete invited your Yoshi to join his "fantasy baseball league."
Sadness. Betrayal. Cocaine and Mafia wars. No, I didn't just finish watching the Italian film "Gomorrah"; I just found out why Yoshi is hip to comprehensive MLB statistics and transactions (minus the cocaine and Mafia wars).
When you play fantasy baseball, you track how every player is performing. What random players did I draft, who are performing amazingly well in the first few weeks, can I package together and trade to the nitwit invited into the league who was luckily awarded the first pick and who inadvertently drafted the great Tim Lincecum? A schemer. That's what I'm dealing with. What about you? Look for parallels in your spouse or significant other. I hope you don't find any.
Not to say it's been all bad. I only get the good Yoshi: insightful data analysis, who's doing what where, and possible transactions to look out for. Basically, he's been perfect. No griping. No, "Why do you wait three weeks in between each blog?" Or, "Have you heard of grammar? Try using some every once in a while." Instead, all I get is, "...I know, I totally agree. The Red Sox should trade Carl Crawford for Starlin Castro." Which was a joke Yoshi! When you said "yes" my ears should've perked up. Humor is not your thing. Of course I had no idea that he was a shortstop phenom; but you did. You did because you've been following him behind my back in your secret fantasy baseball league!
So no, I won't write another blog while the Red Sox are in last place because they will win tomorrow, the Blue Jays will lose, and they will be tied for fourth (kind of the same as last place, but only if you are a pessimist). And no, I will not live in the dark anymore. If Yoshi wants to play ball with Pete, I won't stand in his way. Just as long as Pete knows that Yoshi is only using him as an avenue to gather in depth analysis so he can contribute greater insight to what we started: Greg and Yoshi Talk about the Red Sox (and don't mention that asshole Pete).
Friday, April 22, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Balance
The Sox lost on their first game. Some players played well and others not so much. Oh well. No biggie. Greg and Yoshi give 'em a mulligan. Just better not happen again, boys, or Yoshi's bright idea to order 2,000 161-1 tee shirts won't look so bright. Why did he want 2,000? No idea. When I asked Yoshi all he gave me was: __________________________ -- which is the closest I can get to expressing a blank stare with words.
Speaking of blank stares, that's what my assistant got when he showed me this quote from today's Boston Globe:
“Do you believe in the Baseball God? Do you know what the Baseball God is? Sometimes things happen just to show the world that this ain’t easy. Not to him. Just to the whole world. This game doesn’t come easy. You’ve got to keep working and be consistent in the long run, which is going to happen with him.’’
It's not 100% clear, but we think David Ortiz said it in defense of Carl Crawford's opening day performance. David, David, David... no one thinks baseball is easy. Baseball is hard. And what's even harder? Being skilled and talented enough to compete against the most skilled and talented. We who criticize do so because we are not good enough to compete. Hence, A-Rod and Jeter don't have a rad blog with a killer name like: "Alex and Derek talk about the Red Sox". Instead, they perform day in and day out so we can point out the similarities between A-Rod's career and A-Rod's girlfriend, Cameron Diaz: they're both past their prime.
Balance is important. Without it, chaos and unrest ensue. Based on the amount of unrest in the world -- human and environmental -- we don't need anymore un-balance.
Yoshi said it best: "For the fan, baseball lives and breaths in his fantasy mind. He believes that if he didn't have to go to work everyday and pay bills, he would be on the diamond, April through October, playing ball for the Red Sox. But since he has other obligations, he sends players to do his work by proxy. Therefore, the fan's relationship to his team is to monitor the players who are doing the job he would otherwise being doing and hold them accountable for their performances."
So David, rather than making an attempt to appeal to our rational mind, stick to targeting our emotions. If you start sucking and have only one HR at the All-Star Break, blame the sun. Blame us for not supporting you. Blame Yoshi. But don't use the sport's inherent difficulty as an excuse. Don't break the fourth wall. The last thing we want to think when you step to the plate is that you think what you are attempting to do is hard. If you fail, we will criticize you and call you mean names. We'll be downright vicious. But it's just us holding you accountable. If we didn't, we wouldn't be able to claim responsibility for when you fix your game and start lunching bombs like a rebel in a no-fly zone. You're right -- it's not fair. But it's the reality of our relationship. You get to play baseball and we worry about everything else. Balance.
Speaking of blank stares, that's what my assistant got when he showed me this quote from today's Boston Globe:
“Do you believe in the Baseball God? Do you know what the Baseball God is? Sometimes things happen just to show the world that this ain’t easy. Not to him. Just to the whole world. This game doesn’t come easy. You’ve got to keep working and be consistent in the long run, which is going to happen with him.’’
It's not 100% clear, but we think David Ortiz said it in defense of Carl Crawford's opening day performance. David, David, David... no one thinks baseball is easy. Baseball is hard. And what's even harder? Being skilled and talented enough to compete against the most skilled and talented. We who criticize do so because we are not good enough to compete. Hence, A-Rod and Jeter don't have a rad blog with a killer name like: "Alex and Derek talk about the Red Sox". Instead, they perform day in and day out so we can point out the similarities between A-Rod's career and A-Rod's girlfriend, Cameron Diaz: they're both past their prime.
Balance is important. Without it, chaos and unrest ensue. Based on the amount of unrest in the world -- human and environmental -- we don't need anymore un-balance.
Yoshi said it best: "For the fan, baseball lives and breaths in his fantasy mind. He believes that if he didn't have to go to work everyday and pay bills, he would be on the diamond, April through October, playing ball for the Red Sox. But since he has other obligations, he sends players to do his work by proxy. Therefore, the fan's relationship to his team is to monitor the players who are doing the job he would otherwise being doing and hold them accountable for their performances."
So David, rather than making an attempt to appeal to our rational mind, stick to targeting our emotions. If you start sucking and have only one HR at the All-Star Break, blame the sun. Blame us for not supporting you. Blame Yoshi. But don't use the sport's inherent difficulty as an excuse. Don't break the fourth wall. The last thing we want to think when you step to the plate is that you think what you are attempting to do is hard. If you fail, we will criticize you and call you mean names. We'll be downright vicious. But it's just us holding you accountable. If we didn't, we wouldn't be able to claim responsibility for when you fix your game and start lunching bombs like a rebel in a no-fly zone. You're right -- it's not fair. But it's the reality of our relationship. You get to play baseball and we worry about everything else. Balance.
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